The term for being married, resde, applies to men and it also means to guard or set aside. The term for women is in the passive form, reseede, and it means one who is being set aside or guarded. Looking at these double meanings through a cultural lens gives such a powerful idea of how they view marriage.
To be set aside for another person as their mate. It almost seems Biblical to me. However, most of the Tukolor are Muslims and I know that this twist of meaning has less to do with marriage as I understand it from a Biblical sense, and more to do with the practicalities of living in an uncertain world. A world where women need to be protected and have someone to look after them. They are literally set aside for the men to take responsibility.
A Pulaar speaking friend of mine told me that after her first marriage ended she found herself alone for more than a decade. She knew she needed someone to take care of her, so she married a man who already had other wives. In this culture, men can have up to 4 wives according to their religion. Love was not the deciding factor for her, she wanted the security of marriage; to be set aside and gaurded.
It's not our western idea of chocolates, flowers and sappy love letters, but it is still what God intended. Men and women together, setting themselves aside for one another in order to have a life and family together.
Happy Valentine's Day
